The Four Elements of Every Relationship
Thanks to Richard Schwartz for this Helpful Insight into the Foundation of All Human Interaction
No matter what the relationship: parent-child, partners, server-guest, checker-shopper, police officer-accused, government-citizen, lawyer-client, bank-borrower, or doctor-patient, each half of the equation carries four energies into every encounter. The success, viability, or durability of the relationship depends on how the dynamics of those elements shake out.
This equation even applies to cooperation, conflict, dominance, and interdependence between all life forms in an ecosystem. If the balance is optimal for all sides, or if it is unfair, or disputed, or hidden, it is obvious to observers.
In the language of Internal Family Systems, we have within us an ecosystem as well. And each part of us carries these four energies needing balance with every other part, and with the Self. Where there is imbalance, attention is demanded.
This equation even applies to cooperation, conflict, dominance, and interdependence between all life forms in an ecosystem. If the balance is optimal for all sides, or if it is unfair, or disputed, or hidden, it is obvious to observers.
In the language of Internal Family Systems, we have within us an ecosystem as well. And each part of us carries these four energies needing balance with every other part, and with the Self. Where there is imbalance, attention is demanded.
Boundaries
Responsibilities
Resources
Influence
Responsibilities
Resources
Influence
We would do well to pay attention to these very important factors of satisfying relationships; between ourselves and others, and within ourselves. That examination and seeking to understand and work toward wholeness is a lifelong and difficult and fundamental pursuit. And there is a big difference between knowing where we stand, inside and out, and half knowing. As Herman Melville, that meditative thinker and iconoclastic adventurer advised us:
"For as this appalling ocean surrounds the verdant land, so in the soul of man there lies one insular Tahiti, full of peace and joy, but encompassed by all the horrors of the half known life."
"For as this appalling ocean surrounds the verdant land, so in the soul of man there lies one insular Tahiti, full of peace and joy, but encompassed by all the horrors of the half known life."