Every day we wake up with two trolls at the foot of our bed. One is named Defeat and the other Procrastination. We open our eyes and the first voice we hear is Defeat's. "You can't do it," he says. "You aren't good enough, not smart enough, not strong enough, not deserving enough, not anything enough. You are not enough to do what you want or even need to do. Give up."
The other troll, Procrastination, speaks next. "If you insist on doing something, anything, whether you want to or even need to, do it tomorrow. Go back to sleep. That thing you want or even need to do is not going anywhere. It'll be there when you're ready. But you're not ready now. Why not wait a day? It's hard enough to just think about. That will be enough for today. Just think about it. And wait."
If there is evil in our lives, it starts with these trolls. They corrupt our positive nature, they detour us from our path, and they do it with robust perseverance. But why? Where did they come from? What do they want? Why are they so persistent and hard to deal with? These are the questions we all must face daily. Many of us, the fortunate ones, the ones with sufficient stores of energy and resilience, the ones who have made peace with their histories, the ones who have done the necessary self-work, these fortunate ones are not much bothered by these trolls. They hear their voices, they tell them to back off, they swing their feet onto the floor, and they go about their day.
These people know the provenance of the morning beasts, they know why they continue to come, and they know that they can be controlled. But when we are in the habit of listening to these voices, or worse, believing them, our day is not our own. We do not get to answer the questions about what they want with us and why, because we fall into their insidious traps. We give in, and believe their lies.
The other troll, Procrastination, speaks next. "If you insist on doing something, anything, whether you want to or even need to, do it tomorrow. Go back to sleep. That thing you want or even need to do is not going anywhere. It'll be there when you're ready. But you're not ready now. Why not wait a day? It's hard enough to just think about. That will be enough for today. Just think about it. And wait."
If there is evil in our lives, it starts with these trolls. They corrupt our positive nature, they detour us from our path, and they do it with robust perseverance. But why? Where did they come from? What do they want? Why are they so persistent and hard to deal with? These are the questions we all must face daily. Many of us, the fortunate ones, the ones with sufficient stores of energy and resilience, the ones who have made peace with their histories, the ones who have done the necessary self-work, these fortunate ones are not much bothered by these trolls. They hear their voices, they tell them to back off, they swing their feet onto the floor, and they go about their day.
These people know the provenance of the morning beasts, they know why they continue to come, and they know that they can be controlled. But when we are in the habit of listening to these voices, or worse, believing them, our day is not our own. We do not get to answer the questions about what they want with us and why, because we fall into their insidious traps. We give in, and believe their lies.
"There are no absolute truths, and the same goes for lies.
We live between these two mythical places,
not knowing which way to face when we pray."
Anonymous
I learned the metaphor of the two trolls from the eminent Jungian analyst, James Hollis. If you are interested in hearing more of his interpretations of Carl Jung's ideas about what makes us do the things we do, and believe the things we believe, and feel the way we feel, you should check him out. His hero's journey is all about using these powerful psychodynamic tools to uncover the real Self we have deep within us, and with that uncovering, to reach ever closer to the fulfillment we somehow know is attainable.
On Wednesday, we got serious with these trolls. We talked about suicide. Everyone in the room had known the temptation of sacrificing the an unknown future to stop a painful present. We had all thought many times, even continuously during periods of our lives, of bringing an end to almost unbearably suffering resulting from a towering mountain of devastating loss and hopeless futility. On Wednesday, as we listened quietly as one of our members told us about experiencing three significant setbacks in a short period of time. The voice of the first troll had been particularly loud each morning, and throughout each day, as a result. But fortunately for the world (because we are all here to make the world a better place, whether we realize it or not) the voice of the second troll was also quite loud. So the troll shouting, "End it!" was counterbalanced by the troll who shouted, "Soon, but not right now!"
Our weaknesses can be our strengths, just as our strengths can be weaknesses. And waiting another day to make such a momentous decision comes from just such a paradox. Yes, the people who know us and even love us will undoubtedly be deeply bereaved were we to board that boat across the River Styx. And yes, they can never know the depth of pain that our departing is meant to erase. But so often, it is our loyalty to ignorant friends and loved ones that keeps us here one more day.
And we must not forget about the friendly voices we hear as well—not malevolent trolls but helpful faeries. The one named Hope tells us, "There could be wonders ahead." And we allow ourselves to muse about this possibility. Those wonders might consist of periods of contentment or moments of happiness. There could be joy in store for us, or even ecstasy. There could be all manner of blessings with our name on them, or discoveries that will lead to fulfillment. The faerie named Maybe is not so optimistic as Hope, but she brings an indispensable message nevertheless. She tells us, "You never know. Things might just work out after all."
And so we move forward. With the help of those closest to us, we manage to take step after step into the unknown of the here and now, putting off a decision to be finished, once and for all, with taking steps. Giving fate or destiny or luck or hard work a chance to make a difference, we ignore the trolls and listen to the faeries. We reach out, we reach in, we try and conceive of the heaven that those who have chosen to stay surely must believe in. The one that is right here. Just ahead. In this world.
Our weaknesses can be our strengths, just as our strengths can be weaknesses. And waiting another day to make such a momentous decision comes from just such a paradox. Yes, the people who know us and even love us will undoubtedly be deeply bereaved were we to board that boat across the River Styx. And yes, they can never know the depth of pain that our departing is meant to erase. But so often, it is our loyalty to ignorant friends and loved ones that keeps us here one more day.
And we must not forget about the friendly voices we hear as well—not malevolent trolls but helpful faeries. The one named Hope tells us, "There could be wonders ahead." And we allow ourselves to muse about this possibility. Those wonders might consist of periods of contentment or moments of happiness. There could be joy in store for us, or even ecstasy. There could be all manner of blessings with our name on them, or discoveries that will lead to fulfillment. The faerie named Maybe is not so optimistic as Hope, but she brings an indispensable message nevertheless. She tells us, "You never know. Things might just work out after all."
And so we move forward. With the help of those closest to us, we manage to take step after step into the unknown of the here and now, putting off a decision to be finished, once and for all, with taking steps. Giving fate or destiny or luck or hard work a chance to make a difference, we ignore the trolls and listen to the faeries. We reach out, we reach in, we try and conceive of the heaven that those who have chosen to stay surely must believe in. The one that is right here. Just ahead. In this world.
We are grateful to those who risk so much
Who choose to stay here with us awhile longer
We are honored to be part of their decision
We try to listen well and to share what pain we can
We watch reverently as they manage to endure the passages
From one momentous milestone to the next
And we strive to make this place we share between us
Somehow worthwhile
Who choose to stay here with us awhile longer
We are honored to be part of their decision
We try to listen well and to share what pain we can
We watch reverently as they manage to endure the passages
From one momentous milestone to the next
And we strive to make this place we share between us
Somehow worthwhile
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