Where does your self-worth come from? Is it based on what you've achieved? What you plan to achieve? What you haven't achieved? If you are like most of us, you've spent a significant amount of time measuring your worth according to your accomplishments or how much money you make or by some standard your family or our society has taught you to use. But if this scheme is only making you unhappy, then there might be a healthier way to feel good about this thing we call Self.
Stanford professor Dr. Carol Dweck writes in her book, Mindset, that there are two ways to approach how people calculate their value. One is to have a "fixed mindset" with which we gauge our success by validating how competent and smart and talented we are while avoiding evidence that might undermine our image of ourselves. She points out that as long as we are indeed able to avoid or ignore that evidence we are able to keep our shaky stance as the person we somehow need to be. But that when we can't avoid that evidence, whether it's supplied by sources "out there" or by our own self-doubts "in here," then we suffer--needlessly.
The other option is to have a "growth mindset." This alternate measuring stick is based on the idea that our intelligence, success, worthiness, and abilities are fluid and growing all the time. So failure is seen as an opportunity instead of invalidating. The more we fall and rise again the more resilience we feel, the more our capabilities grow, and the more fulfillment we enjoy.
Stanford professor Dr. Carol Dweck writes in her book, Mindset, that there are two ways to approach how people calculate their value. One is to have a "fixed mindset" with which we gauge our success by validating how competent and smart and talented we are while avoiding evidence that might undermine our image of ourselves. She points out that as long as we are indeed able to avoid or ignore that evidence we are able to keep our shaky stance as the person we somehow need to be. But that when we can't avoid that evidence, whether it's supplied by sources "out there" or by our own self-doubts "in here," then we suffer--needlessly.
The other option is to have a "growth mindset." This alternate measuring stick is based on the idea that our intelligence, success, worthiness, and abilities are fluid and growing all the time. So failure is seen as an opportunity instead of invalidating. The more we fall and rise again the more resilience we feel, the more our capabilities grow, and the more fulfillment we enjoy.
Jim Carrey on Self-Esteem It's one thing to take pride in our abilities and talents, to enjoy compliments and praise as part of a interdependently social exchanges, and to strive for ever greater mastery in our areas of interest. But it's quite another thing to depend on these strokes in order to feel worthy. When we limit ourselves by striving for ever higher accomplishments to feel "good enough," we perpetuate a cycle of disappointment and futility. But by instead focusing on our willingness to tackle adversity as we attempt to make personal improvements, and on our willingness to risk failure and then persevere, we open ourselves up to realistic possibilities for true greatness.
Many people struggle with perfectionism, the extreme end of the fixed mindset continuum. But, as we have discussed in group many times, "perfect" is the lowest standard there is, since it has no objective meaning that we can use. Jim Carrey, obviously understands this trap. As one of the highest-achieving actors working today, he seems to have come to grips with the impossible dream of basing our "good enoughness" on mere success in the world. In a hilarious speech he gave at the Golden Globe Awards, he puts his own brilliantly poignant spin on winning as a way to sleep at night. Click on his picture and see if his perspective strikes a chord.
And the next time you feel yourself getting down on yourself, think about trying on a different mindset. Will you let me know how it goes?
Many people struggle with perfectionism, the extreme end of the fixed mindset continuum. But, as we have discussed in group many times, "perfect" is the lowest standard there is, since it has no objective meaning that we can use. Jim Carrey, obviously understands this trap. As one of the highest-achieving actors working today, he seems to have come to grips with the impossible dream of basing our "good enoughness" on mere success in the world. In a hilarious speech he gave at the Golden Globe Awards, he puts his own brilliantly poignant spin on winning as a way to sleep at night. Click on his picture and see if his perspective strikes a chord.
And the next time you feel yourself getting down on yourself, think about trying on a different mindset. Will you let me know how it goes?
RSS Feed